


When This Is All Over...

by morphia



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Destroy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Shepard lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:20:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morphia/pseuds/morphia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan forgets something important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what other tags to use. I'm new to this fandom.  
> Suggestions/feedback always welcome.  
> Next time an idea nags me this much I should probably sit my ass and write it sooner.

The silence is deafening in the small kitchenette, as Liara steps in at some god awful hour off the normal day and night cycle. She pauses for a brief second, regarding the man sitting at the table with an unreadable look, before turning to one of the cabinets. "Major," she says in that impossibly pleasant tone of hers as she fixes a small snack for herself. Kaidan could use being alone right now. He doesn't succumb to the urge to bury his face in his forearms and instead looks blankly at her back. She's as elegant as they get, he muses, and possibly the only person who might have any hope of helping him.

"Shadow Broker."

"You look like you could use a friend," Liara says then, as though the recognition of her presence were enough invitation to talk. If he's honest, Kaidan has to admit he's grateful for the sentiment. Not that he believes she can actually help.

"I could use a good night's sleep," he says, resting his chin on his open palm, elbow propped on the table. He's not sure what it is that's keeping him up. He's not even severely wounded anymore, thanks to Dr. Chakwas' excellent treatment, and well… There's That Other Thing. His eyes are closed, and he's exhausted, but the past couple of cycles, he's not been able to get more than a handful of sleep hours.

"Insomnia is a common symptom for humans who experience loss," Liara says gently as she sits next to Kaidan at the table. She's got a mug in her hands, her eyes fixed on it. "And for other races, too."

A shock of pain rushes through Kaidan, surprising and uncalled for, and his back straightens. He holds back the gasp that's threatening to slip out, and blinks twice, deliberately. Loss… Sounds like such an empty word. What has happened was so much worse than that, and he doesn't know how to begin to explain that -- not sure he wants to. "Yeah…" he chokes out.

They sit in silence, and Liara sips from her mug in short, slow motions, staring off at the cabinets, giving him time to regain his bearings. Kaidan takes a long moment to recover. It's not that Shepard's death is ever far from his mind. He finds himself wallowing in the pain all too often. It's true that they'd started building… something… but at the point they'd started, it was far too late. He knows that, had known it from the get go. Still… He hadn't been prepared for this agony at all.

"Where is the problem?" Liara asks, and then continues, clarifying. "Is it that you can't fall asleep, or that you wake up too early?"

"I fall asleep fine," Kaidan sighs, leaning back in his chair. "It's staying that way that's the problem." He twiddles his thumbs. It's not exactly nightmares, he thinks. He can't say for sure, though, because he never remembers what it was he'd been dreaming. It leaves him with a stale taste in his mouth, though, that much he can't deny. And he's in a foul mood for the rest of the day afterwards. Which pretty much reflects how he'd been since the battle on Earth.

Liara rests a careful hand on Kaidan's shoulder, draws his attention to her. "Perhaps you should consider writing a dream-diary," she says, her look earnest. Her concern sends overwhelming emotions through him, and Kaidan's not sure if he can actually speak. She takes his silence for scorn, though, and removes her hand. "If you'd like to, of course. I hear it helps. Might be worth a shot." She gets up, takes the mug with her and before heading off she looks at him one last time. "Shepard would not want you to mourn him like this."

And he knows that, okay? He's well aware that Shepard would not approve of this, but Kaidan really couldn't care less about how Shepard would feel. First of all, people who go off and die on their crew more than once do not get a say in how their crew mourns, and besides… Besides, Kaidan isn't just a crewmember, is he? Liara knows that much, and she's right about Shepard, but she should know Kaidan isn't as strong as Shepard had been, right?

A hard fist slams down on the table, before Kaidan gets to his feet and stalks off. At least he still has access to Shepard's quarters. He's not sure he'd be able to stand mourning what could've been in a room full of other crewmembers. Climbing into Shepard's bed, he burrows down into the covers. There's barely any hint of Shepard's scent left, but he holds onto whatever he can still sniff. And if the pillow is a little damp by the time he falls asleep, well. Nobody needs to know.

~

A day later, Kaidan decides to try what Liara had offered. They're still on their way back to the Sol System, and now with no Mass Relays, even at FTL, it's gonna take a little longer to get there. He won't survive it if he doesn't do something, and he doesn't want to take sleeping aid if he can avoid it. He sets a sleep detection software in his omnitool, and guides it to record his first words upon waking up. Even if it doesn't solve the problem, he rationalizes, he'll have some clue as to what's going on.

The first night, all his omnitool manages to catch is mumbled sounds and displeased groans, something that sounds unpleasantly urgent, but unintelligible. Offput, he switches off the the device. Maybe next time.

Liara keeps a safe distance from him, and Kaidan assumes she's waiting for him to come to her, if he so wishes, but he really… doesn't want to talk. Tali and Liara have been spending all their spare time trying to fix EDI, and Kaidan prefers to not interfere. He avoids Joker, too, not wanting to try for a chat. Somehow… He feels like this kind of camaraderie is the last thing he needs right now.

The next day, the omnitool catches something when Kaidan wakes up, and when he replays it as his mind's fuzziness dissipates, his blood freezes. He doubles over in bed, burying his face in his hands, a pained groan falling from his lips. How could he have forgotten? How could he have neglected to follow through one small… simple promise? Even as he rationally knows he couldn't have, what with the Mass Relays destroyed and all, but still…

"You'd better show up," chimes the omnitool again, and Kaidan shuts it off. Even if it's his own voice, it hurts all the same. Shepard has been declared dead all of four days prior -- they'd even had a ceremony on the Normandy, but it all clicks into place now, the surreal feeling he's been carrying with him, how he'd feel ill at ease at any given moment. He'd believed the reports once before, hadn't he? He'd bought what Alliance had told him about Shepard when the Collectors destroyed the first Normandy, and he was wrong. And now… Now Shepard might need him, and he's not there to help him.

"Joker," Kaidan speaks into his comm as soon as his breathing has evened out.

"Major?"

"How long till we hit Sol?"

"Three hours. We reached the local cluster an hour ago. Need special drop off?"

Kaidan pauses, closing his eyes. "Yeah… I'm gonna take a shuttle to the Citadel."

"We can take you all the way…" Joker tries, but Kaidan will have none of it.

"There's no point in docking at the Citadel, Joker. Drop me off there and head down to Earth for repairs. The team will want to rest and maybe start helping with whatever operations Alliance has already got going on." He looks at the ceiling and forces down the inkling hope that's rising inside him. There's no guarantee that he'd even find anything. He's setting himself for a bigger disappointment, but he can't help it. He doesn't want any of his crew around, regardless of the outcome.

"Your call, Major."

~

Kaidan runs off the shuttle as soon as it touches down at the rapid transit dock. The Citadel is at a horrible state of destruction, and it takes him a while to grasp the direction of everything. Luckily he's got a map of the Citadel saved up on his omnitool. He's not armed to the teeth, but he's still got his Mattock with him -- in case of any accidents. The rest of his storage is spent on medigel. It could mean life or death, he knows, for any person he meets, or even for Shepard, if he finds him.

Looking up through one of the shattered windows, he sees the Crucible still lodged precariously against the Citadel tower. It's in shambles, but if Shepard could be found anywhere, he figures that would be the place. It seems like no one has even tried approaching the area, though, which is understandable, what with how messed up it seems to be. He looks around and grabs one of the operational cabs. Checking the catches on his helmet just to be sure, he mounts the vehicle and takes off towards the Crucible's base.

"Cab 13, please turn around. Approach at the Crucible is prohibited for all Citadel citizens and guests," a computerized voice speaks into the cabin.

Kaidan grits his teeth. "I can't do that, Avina. There's something there I need to retrieve."

"You may hand in a formal request at your assigned embassy, though I must advise you that no such request has been authorized yet."

"That'd take too much time, anyway. If you're going to shoot me down, you better think twice about it," Kaidan says, now transmitting his communication to the Normandy. Backup could be helpful, but he doesn't think C-Sec would actually try to shoot him down. They all know who he is, at least.

"This is Normandy to Major Alenko, do you require assistance?" Joker's voice chimes in, and Kaidan smiles slightly. Joker's sense of dramatics is vastly different to Shepard's, but it's just as timely.

"Not yet, Normandy. Appreciate it if you stick around for a little bit, though."

"Please hold," Avina's voice fills the cabin once more, and Kaidan continues his flight towards the Crucible. At worst? They'd try to shoot him down. He's got enough evasive-maneuver-training to keep the cab floating long enough for the Normandy to step in. Still, he's pretty sure he's not going to need it. After a tense moment, a small green light flickers to life on the dashboard. "Specter Status recognized, permission to approach the Crucible has been authorized. Be advised that structural integrity is severely compromised."

"Noted," Kaidan says. "Thanks, Normandy. You're clear to go."

"Anytime, Major. Give us a call when you need pickup."

"Will do," Kaidan says, already scanning the area for somewhere to land. The whole expanse is covered in rubble and singed at the edges. Though he hadn't seen the explosion, he has to assume it was massive. Even if he finds Shepard… What state would the man be in? He shoves the thought down. Finding a body would still be better than sitting around and wondering endlessly. So he parks on the most level, clear surface he can find at the base of the Crucieble, and hops out of the car. True to Avina's warning, each step feels like it might tip the balance of something so big, it could crush him before he'd even realize what's happening. So he takes careful steps, scanning the area for signs of life.

"Shepard," he says, not sure if he's calling out for him or just awed at the amount of destruction one man can wreak on a place. He notices the Crucible wavering, massive chunk of a weapon designed to fire only once, and he knows renovations would have to remove this element from the Citadel if they're ever going to repair the station. Where could Shepard be, he asks himself, consulting with his map. The place doesn't even appear on it, so he shuts it down and looks around. The whole area made up of platforms connected by runways, one of which, he realizes, leads to the largest, most mangled pile of rubbish metal he's ever seen. There, he realizes. That's where Shepard would be.

"Shepard!" he calls again, approaching the pile and scanning it frantically. It's been near a week since the battle on Earth. Even if Shepard had survived the explosion, he wouldn't have been able to survive his injuries this long. Kaidan's heart drops to his stomach, at the same time as he feels it in his throat. He decides he's not going to cry now. Clamping his mouth shut and gritting his teeth, he blinks a few times to clear the mist. He's going to find Shepard first, and then deal with the situation according to what he finds.

After circling the massive pile twice, Kaidan starts scaling it in a spiral. Will he even be able to tell Shepard from the rubble? His armor had been black, after all… The thought occurs to him just a fraction of a second before a glimmer of silver grabs his attention. Kaidan blinks and looks in that direction, but the glimmer is gone. Frowning, he starts in that direction. The glint flickers again, and Kaidan hastens his paces, recognizing a shape of a man lying down in the rubble, and how had he even doubted that he'd see him where he lay?

Kaidan drops to his knees besides Shepard's still form, and lights up his omnitool. Vitals are incredibly weak, hardly even a pulse to be found, but he's alive. Remarkable. Kaidan applies a few doses of medigel, and then contemplates his options quickly. He can't carry Shepard, as much as he wishes he could. Kaidan is no soldier, and can only carry up to a certain weight, but Shepard is a full soldier, complete with implants and physical improvements, weighing far too much for him. But, Kaidan figures, biotics can work for this just as well. He makes to his feet and applies a stasis field -- to make sure he's not stirring any injuries he's unaware of -- and then gently lifts him with his biotics. That works, he thinks, smiling. The wetness on his cheeks doesn't bother him anymore. All he needs to do now is stay focused and get Shepard to a medical center before it's too late.

Once Shepard is securely set in the backseat of the cab, Kaidan climbs in the driver's seat and takes off. "Avina, what's the nearest medical center?"

"The closest operational medical unit is located at Huerta Memorial Hospital."

"You gotta be shitting me," Kaidan hisses, but drives there as fast as he can. "Alert them that Commander Shepard is inbound and severely injured."

"My records show that Commander Shepard is declared dead," Avina supplies in an even tone.

"Well, your records are wrong. Do as I say," Kaidan says, not even caring that he's being incredibly rude to the VI. It's a miracle Avina is even operational, what with the kind of EMP the galaxy had taken from the Crucible, but he doesn't question it. Quick repairs are commonplace. Even his own omnitool had been a quick work from Tali.

"Very well, Major Alenko."

~

It's the wait that's killing him. Surgery has been ongoing for several hours now -- Kaidan hasn't actually counted, and now he's too wired up to try and think back. He's sent word to the Normandy, and urged them to stay put for the time being. The Huerta Memorial Hospital is so profoundly ruined that he doesn't want anyone to add to the strain already set on the place. All the windows had been shattered in, some of the walls lay in pieces on the floor. At least the beds are still in tact, and the medical equipment has been hastily fixed over the first days.

For the sixth time, Kaidan goes over his inbox. A startled message from General Hackett, a rushed inquiry from Rear-Admiral Shepard. Several messages from Liara he hasn't answered yet. A message from his mother. He closes the app and hops to his feet. pacing the small waiting area is the only thing keeping him from barging into the operation room with his gun up, threatening the doctors to not let Shepard die.

It's only when the procedure had ended, and Shepard is wheeled into a room, that Kaidan finally gets to see him, and manages to heave a relieved sigh. He's a terrible sight to look at, but not as bad as he'd been on the Crucible. Burns litter his body, bruises, incisions. Kaidan turns to Dr. Michelle for information as she approaches him, he needs some good news.

"How is he, doc? Will he make it?"

"Usually I would be cautious, Major. I would say it is hard to tell." She regards Shepard, then the monitor which beeps along with the man's steady heartbeat, before looking back to Kaidan. "But, this is Commander Shepard we are talking about. I believe he will make full recovery." She consults with her clipboard, shakes her head. "We had to remove most of his non-military implants. Most of the cybernetic enhancements were completely unsalvageable after taking the EMP directly from the source, but we were able to fix all military issued implants." She seems to hesitate then, but Kaidan doesn't let her shy away from giving him a full report.

"What is it?"

"His brain," she says eventually, shaking her head. "Brain activity is looking healthy and sound--" Kaidan sighs in relief. "--but, until he wakes up, we won't know how much of a head-trauma he'd sustained."

"So?" Kaidan asks, baffled, he doesn't know what this means.

"So he might wake up sans his memories."

A long silent moment stretches between them, as Kaidan struggles between understanding what she'd just told him, and realizing she won't be saying she's pulling his leg anytime soon. She's… "You're serious."

"I'm afraid so, Major. You should probably prepare for such an occasion, and perhaps alert your friends and family, in case they decide to visit."

"And we won't know until he.." Kaidan looks over to the bed. He aches to go to Shepard, to hold his hand and stare at his still figure, but he practices self control.

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you need. I will arrange another bed to be put in this room, if you wish." There's no judgement, no distaste, just plain sympathy. Kaidan appreciates it so badly that he has to bite his lower lip and straighten his back a little.

"I'd… like that."

"Consider it done. I'll leave you to it," Dr. Michelle says, then waves all personnel out of the room, only leaving once she's sure everyone has left. "Let me know if you need anything," she says before closing the door.

Finally alone, Kaidan stands back for a moment, regarding Shepard's form. Breathing is even, the monitor still beats a steady rhythm, and everything else is completely still. "Hey," he says quietly, as he takes a chair and sets it close to the bed. "We're here again…" His breath hitches, so he pauses, looks outside the glassless window. "Only this time our roles are reversed." A chuckle rises up his throat. "And to think I almost let you die…" A harsh inhale follows, and Kaidan reaches gingerly for Shepard's hand. His other hand covers his eyes. A few sobs fall from his lips as he allows himself a moment to break down, now that the adrenaline is finally draining from his bloodstream, and there's no more imminent danger. He's sitting in a goddamned hospital room next to an alive Commander Shepard, when just a few days ago he'd glued a plaque with the guy's name to a memorial wall. The sheer stupidity of the situation is overwhelming. "You son of a bitch," Kaidan rasps. "You gave me such an awful scare…" His breath hitches again. "I'm gonna give you such an earful when you wake up."

Which doesn't happen nearly as soon as Kaidan hopes. In fact, as opposed to Dr. Michelle's predictions, it takes just shy of a week. The whole crew manages to pass through the hospital room once before Shepard finally opens his eyes. Of course, his timing is awful, and it's the middle of the night cycle when he stirs. Kaidan is fast asleep at the time -- he's not sure how long Shepard had been awake before letting a hand brush along his temple.

Their beds are as close as possible. And that's not nearly as close and Kaidan would've liked, but certainly within arm's reach. He opens his eyes, not sure what had woke him, but when he notices the touch to his face and meets crystal blue eyes, it becomes irrelevant. "Shepard…" he whispers, his tone somewhat unbelieving, and sleep-rough as he reaches up to hold onto Shepard's hand at his face. "How long've you been up?" He shifts, pulls himself up. Shepard's eyes stay on him the entire time, and their hands remain linked, now resting on Kaidan's lap.

"A while," Shepard answers, noncommittal, and shifts a little, but he doesn't lift himself off the bed. "Got a little bored with all the quiet."

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner?" Kaidan asks, moving closer clasping Shepard's hand in his own. "D'you need anything? Water? Something to eat?"

"At ease, soldier," Shepard says, smiling exasperatedly. "I need you to relax." He rests back against the bed, eyes running across the ceiling as his fingers entwine with Kaidan's. "And tell me what happened. Last thing I remember, Reapers were tearing through our forces."

So Kaidan relays the story of everything that's happened as he knows it. The Crucible wouldn't fire, and Admiral Hackett contacted Shepard about it. Next thing they knew, the weapon was armed. As much as Joker had tried to stick behind long enough for Shepard to get out, they had to try and outrun the blast. Kaidan tells him about landing on some godforsaken garden world, about the repairs, the memorial ceremony. He manages to not choke on the words, but Shepard's intense stare informs him he looks sad enough as it is.

Scratching his cheek, Kaidan continues, explaining his sleeping problems, and Liara's advice. Then he recalls what Liara's method had reminded him, and what he then went to do. Shepard looks at once proud and scolding, for Kaidan's bold move. Relieved, too. After all, Kaidan had basically saved the man's life.

"And Tali was here just yesterday. Said you were taking your time waking up," Kaidan says, smiling ruefully. "She also said you deserved a good rest after what you've accomplished." And Shepard chuckles at that, his eyes closing.

"She's got that right," he says, holding Kaidan's hand a little tighter. "Thanks for coming to get me. I knew you'd pull through."

"I almost didn't…" Kaidan admits. Even if it's a horrible truth, it's better spoken than held back, but Shepard seems unconcerned.

"Almost counts for nothing, Kaidan. Fact is, you came for me. That's all I care about."

For lack of any meaningful answer, Kaidan decides to say nothing, and pulls Shepard's hand up, placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. Most of the bruises and other wounds have healed, leaving only a myriad of scars in their wake. Kaidan decides to map them all out later, when he gets the chance. He looks to Shepard's face, and isn't surprised to see the man staring intently back.

~

Rehabilitation is a grueling process. Just as it is pretty much everywhere across the galaxy. Every day, the Citadel looks a little less awful, or maybe Kaidan is just getting used to the ruins. He spends most of his time looking at Shepard, anyway, but he does read the reports. The Keepers, or what's left of them, are working extra time fixing everything on the Citadel, with the help of pretty much every capable pair of hands. There's very little room for politics these days, as each race concentrates on licking its wounds, but Kaidan isn't clear on the specifics yet. Most of the crew has dispersed, everyone having gone to help their own worlds' recovery. They send in daily updates and inquiries after Shepard's health, though.

With Shepard's hard headed stubborn streak, he manages to walk unassisted two weeks into recovery, although it's slow, and he limps heavily. Any progress is good progress, Kaidan repeats this notion to himself and to Shepard whenever he can. Within a month, Shepard's range of motion is nearly completely restored, and by the two months mark, he's completely back to normal, with an imperceptible favoring of his right side. Dr. Michelle had sat him down to discuss implants, but he refuses to have any of the Cerberus enhancements restored. He's got his military muscle enhancement and increased regeneration, that's all he really needs. She tells him he can always change his mind, and leaves it at that.

When three months had passed since the battle on Earth, and Kaidan has reached a point where he doesn't mind spending a few hours away, which allows him to help with Citadel operations coordination, his omnitool pings in the middle of the day. It's an incoming call, and he excuses himself to take it. He'd never turn down a call from his commander.

"Shepard?"

"Kaidan, can you meet me at the rehabilitation center?"

Looking up, Kaidan assesses how much the people in this area need him, and decides they don't. "Give me ten minutes."

When he arrives at the facility, he finds Shepard standing idly outside with a large kitbag at his feet. He parks the cab a little way to the side and hops out, reaching Shepard at a light run.

"You didn't have to run," Shepard says, amused, as he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. He seems a little self conscious, but all in all well.

"You could've told me they were releasing you today…" Kaidan says, eyeing the kitbag meaningfully, but Shepard just shrugs.

"You seemed busy enough, I didn't want to stress you. Besides, the look on your face was priceless."

"You're such a tease sometimes," Kaidan half complains and reaches to take the kitbag, but Shepard wards him off hastily.

"I've got this, go get the car going. We're going to my apartment."

"Stubborn," Kaidan huffs and goes to do as he's told. He hasn't been to Shepard's apartment since the party, and he dreads what they might find there. Once the luggage is loaded onto the car, they take off. Kaidan's own stuff is, he assumes, in there too. He'd been spending his night in Shepard's room at the rehab center. No one had seemed inclined to try and stop him, and Kaidan is pleased with that outcome -- he'd have hated to resort to violence.

The place is a mess. All the windows are shattered, just like the rest of the station, and most of the furniture is overturned. The paintings have all fallen to the ground, the plants are all smashed, and all the appliances are fried, but other than that, the calamity had spared the place for the most part. No fire had ravaged the place, it seems. Shepard takes a few hesitant steps, before walking on at a surer stride, looking around the place to assess the damage. Kaidan follows him, hanging back a bit.

"This used to be Anderson's place," Shepard says when Kaidan finally catches up to him at one of the windows. the glass is so badly shattered, it crunches under their boots. "He gave it to me when he decided to stay on Earth. I may have told you already."

"Yeah, I know," Kaidan says, carefully resting an arm around Shepard's waist. When the commander leans a little against him, Kaidan turns to hug him from behind, resting his chin on Shepard's shoulder. "It's nice to have a place to call home in this mess… Even if it's a little run down."

"A little?" Shepard asks, his tone disbelieving, and Kaidan laughs.

"A little," he says again. "We can get this place up and running in less than a day. Not what you could say about most of the rest of this station." A small kiss to the neck later, he pulls back a little. "Might take a while to get the windows fixed, though."

When Shepard laughs, it's the best sound Kaidan has heard in ages, right after the man's voice. He smiles against his skin and tightens his hold on him slightly. When the grasp loosens, Shepard turns around and leans close, eyes searching Kaidan's. It feels like he's worried about something, so Kaidan raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Kaidan--" he says, voice seeming a little arrested. "You don't have to do this." And he gestures between them with one hand, even as his other is wrapped around Kaidan's waist. The momentary uncertainty turns into a full frown, Kaidan can feel it on his face.

"What?" he asks, feeling numb. It can't be that after all this time, all this work, Shepard's the one breaking it off, can it? He doesn't seem like he wants to do it, but then… "Why would you say that? What are you talking about?" He makes to let go, but Shepard's hand is still on the middle of his back, keeping him close for a fraction of a moment longer. Then, he lets go, and Kaidan stumbles back, shocked.

"At the center… There was this Turian," Shepard says, looking away. His expression is strained, pained. "He'd taken a pretty heavy hit, but he was making good progress every day. His wife, a human, would visit every day and help him with the drills he had to do," Shepard pauses, seeming to regret having brought it up at all, but now that he's started, he doesn't seem inclined to stop. "She was a very nice young woman, and you could see she loved him. Or, well… Maybe it was all an act…"

Realization hits Kaidan like a brick wall. Shepard's giving him an out because he's still in recovery. He thinks sticking around is hardship for Kaidan. His mouth closes, jaw clenching as surprise turns to resolve. "You're giving me a way out because some other wounded soldier's wife left him?" he asks, always keen to clarify they're on the same page. Shepard holds his gaze. "You are the most infuriating, idiotic, selfless man I have ever met." Both hands grab Shepard's shoulders. "Listen carefully, Shepard. I am right where I want to be. So long as you want me around, you're pretty much stuck with me."

Shepard continues to look at him with his unreadable stare, until Kaidan has to roll his eyes and lean in, pressing a light kiss to the man's lips before pressing his cheek to Shepard's. "I mean it."

It's only when Shepard's arms finally resume their place on Kaidan's waist that he relaxes, pulls back to look at the man's face again. "Thank you, Kaidan…" Shepard says, his voice low, quiet, and he lowers his gaze. "I'd hate to think you were stuck in a bad place out of a false sense of duty…"

"Shh…" Kaidan says, kissing him again. Sometimes, he's noticed, Shepard just thinks too much, and focuses too much on other people, and it seems all Kaidan can do about that is accept it and focus on Shepard for him. He wraps his arms around the commander's shoulders and presses their bodies close together, trying to convey his presence. "No 'sense of duty' here… Just you and me."

The hands at his waist grasp a little tighter on his shirt, and Kaidan presses the side of his head to Shepard's. "And a pile of rubble," Shepard says, and finally Kaidan spots a hint of a smile in his voice. It's not entirely true, but the point is clear.


	2. Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No redeeming qualities to this chapter aside for some incredibly emotional sex. I don't know.  
> My thanks extended to the several people who proof read this chapter: ann2who, in-umbra-gratia and nightsineon.  
> And to my husband for always supporting me and showing interest in my stuff.

 

Regaining intimacy takes time, and it's not that Kaidan had expected to immediately roll in the sheets with Shepard right after he got out of the center, but it's still something that occupies his thoughts. He'd spent every night by the commander's side, ever since recovering him from the Citadel, telling himself that he was just being cautious and that it has nothing to do with the fear of losing him again. He recognizes the existence of that fear, just refuses to accept it's dictating his actions. Shepard had never questioned him on it. He simply pressed against Kaidan and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him.

Shepard's been sleeping differently, Kaidan had noticed. He still wakes up in a start, and will sometimes take a few moments to recognize his surroundings, but those nightmares that had him groaning in pain and twisting in his sleep, only to wake up looking more distressed and lost… Those dreams are thankfully gone. Kaidan would be there for Shepard no matter what, but he had to admit those horrors were taking a toll on him, too.

Since Shepard never mentioned any of that before, and never talked about it with Kaidan, there's no reason to assume he'd bring up the nightmares' disappearance. Kaidan isn't expecting a heart to heart on that subject. His focus is... elsewhere. The press of Shepard's muscled back to his chest, for example. The way his heat seeps through any sleep clothes they wear, if they opt to wear anything at all, makes Kaidan feel incredibly safe, even though he's essentially the big spoon every single night. And then, there's the matter of Shepard's ass, and its close proximity to Kaidan's crotch.

It's not like Kaidan has full control of his body when it comes to being turned on, especially in sleep. What drives him a little mad, though, is the fact Shepard's never mentioned that, either. He doesn't wriggle against him, even when Kaidan's sure he can feel it poking against him. They kiss every day, several times a day, and there's even some occasions when their hands stray, but Shepard always breaks away first, never lets the heavy petting go too far and, well, Kaidan's worried about that.

He wouldn't mind it if Shepard told him that type of thing doesn't interest him anymore, but Kaidan feels Shepard, hard and needy, pressing against him every time they make out. He knows Shepard's aroused and in need. And he doesn't mind waiting however long it'd take Shepard to go there again. What hurts so much is that they don't talk about it.

He decides it's time to bring it up one morning, as he's relieving himself in the bathroom. It's been some time since Shepard's been released from rehabilitation, and they've pretty much finished fixing the Citadel apartment. The windows are still out, but at least all the glass shards are gone. They're both employed one way or another. Shepard's overseeing the regrouping of the council and the reconstruction of the embassies. Kaidan, on the other hand, makes regular tours around the remaining reconstruction sites, helping with allocation of materials and working hands as needed. Luckily, the Keepers' numbers have adjusted to the state of emergency. They can be seen pretty much everywhere, leading the workers to where rebuilding should be a priority.

"We need to talk," Kaidan says to his reflection in the mirror, then shakes his head. No. That's really a bad starter for any kind of conversation. "I've got a few questions--" a frustrated sound follows. He can't do it. How is he even going to bring it up? Staring at himself, he pulls a face, then in a mocking tone, "Hey Shepard, I miss how we used to fuck each other's brains out," which he follows with a resigned huff. There's no easy way to talk about it without it being at least a little bit awkward, and the longer he waits, the more awkward it's going to be.

Before leaving the house that day, Shepard gives him a long, contemplative look, and Kaidan shifts his weight from one leg to the other, raising an eyebrow in question. Sure, Shepard occasionally looks concerned when it comes to Kaidan, but it's just… not very common. Shepard kisses him then, and Kaidan leans into it instinctively.

"Let's go out tonight," Shepard says when the kiss ends. "We haven't had an actual date in a long time. We should take care of that."

"Let's do that," Kaidan answers easily, resting a hand on Shepard's waist. "I'll let you choose the place."

"Alright, then be ready at twenty hundred hours," Shepard teases, and Kaidan takes the bait.

"Hmm… How'd you know military talk gets me weak in the knees?"

"A hunch," Shepard says over a chuckle, then turns to the door. "See you later, Kaidan."

"Have a nice day, John."

~

The pub they go to is run-down and kind of sleazy. Yes, most of the clubs and pubs they'd had the dubious pleasure of attending for business have been like that, to some degree, but the circumstances are considerably different now. There are no dancers, but the lighting is still low enough that the far corners of the place are difficult to make out. And it's only when they've had a light dinner and have gotten well into their third beers that their conversation starts to steer a little closer to home. Up to this point, they've been mostly exchanging experiences from the day, their hands touching in small affectionate gestures.

"And the Little-Hands squad is doing well," Kaidan is saying, his eyes not so subtly running over Shepard's face and shoulders. "Those kids are some of the most hardworking people I've ever met."

"So it was a good call, employing them?" Shepard asks, returning the gesture as he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a sip.

"A year ago, I'd think the idea was crazy, inhumane even…" Kaidan swirls the beer in his bottle once, eyes fixed on it for a moment, before he looks back up. "But those kids… They really want to help, and they really don't have much else to do on the Citadel as it is. Electricity is still not restored on most of the station."

"You said they were the ones to forward the request to come into the working force," Shepard nudges his leg gently, and Kaidan smiles.

"They were. Amazing children, I tell you."

The silence after that statement stretches for a moment that is heavier than Kaidan is comfortable with, so he clears his throat and tilts his head back. "We can't spend our entire date dwelling on how shitty things are…"

"You're right," Shepard says, seeming to mentally shake himself as he straightens a little. He hesitates a moment, then puts down his bottle and leans both elbows on the table, letting his hands clasp one another as he watches Kaidan. "I was actually planning to talk to you about something."

"Oh. Well good thing you're not making it sound dramatic or anything," Kaidan says, smiling nervously. Having Shepard regard him so carefully always sends a small jolt of self awareness through him. Usually, it's a warm feeling, but now he's too on edge to be flattered.

"Kaidan…" Shepard says, his tone a little exasperated, and Kaidan raises an eyebrow. He's not being difficult, is he? "It's about uh…" Shepard wipes at his forehead with the back of his hand then, obviously stalling. "It's about… sex."

And okay, Kaidan might be a little surprised at how strained the word had come out, but more so about the fact that it even came out at all. Sex is not a subject they discuss in and of itself. Usually, the subject only comes up when they're about to have it together, and always hinted rather than directly mentioned. Of course, now that some months have passed since he's had the chance to actually do it with Shepard, he thinks that the habit might not be a bad one to start changing. Maybe talking about it could lead to something more, later.

"Sex," Kaidan says, his tone carefully bland. "What about it?"

Shepard eyes him, like he's trying to make Kaidan understand what he wants to say without having to say it. Admittedly, Shepard is not a man of many words, and will mostly ignore a problem rather than talk about it, but even he must have some things he can't ignore, right? Obviously, sex is one of those topics.

"We're not having it," Shepard finally says on an exhale, sounding more awkward than the great Commander Shepard should ever be allowed to sound, and Kaidan lets a hesitant smile rise to his lips.

"I've noticed," he says gently, wrapping his fingers around Shepard's hand on the table.

"And?" Shepard presses, holding onto Kaidan's hand. "It doesn't bother you?"

Regarding him for a moment, Kaidan sighs and looks down to their held hands. "What are you asking, John?"

"I'm asking  _why_ we're not... doing it," Shepard says, and it's more forward than he'd like to be, Kaidan's sure about it, but obviously not willing to back down from the issue now that it's been brought up for discussion. If he's honest, and he usually is, the question makes relief spread through Kaidan. At the very least, Shepard's as baffled by this as he himself is. It's not something his partner is happy about. Thinking about how to answer takes him a moment, and then he shrugs.

"I don't know," he admits. "Whenever things get in that direction, you usually… stop." Looking up into Shepard's eyes, he adds, "I thought you might not want to, so I didn't press the issue. I figured, I can go without sex, it's no big deal." When Shepard raises an eyebrow at that, Kaidan chuckles. "Well, I'd prefer if we did have it, don't get me wrong, but it's not a deal breaker for me if we don't."

"You're something else, Kaidan," Shepard says after a pause. "And you got the wrong idea. I do  _want_ to do it…"

"...But?" Kaidan adds, because he feels it hanging there. Shepard seems to snap out of a momentary trance as he shifts, glancing down to his bottle, then back to Kaidan's face.

"But…" Hesitation lines Shepard's brow, and Kaidan waits patiently. Talking to Shepard has always been an exercise in patience. Kaidan doesn't mind it. "What if I'm not…" he gestures slightly, a motion between the both of them. "What if I'm…" Frustration takes over hesitation and Shepard glares at his hand, until Kaidan releases his other hand and grasps onto the one swinging between them.

"Hey…" He urges Shepard to look at him. "You don't know yet, okay?" Taking a steadying breath, Kaidan finds himself smiling exasperatedly at the man sitting across from him. So that's what it had all been about. Shepard thought he might not be as good at it now, after sustaining that magnitude of injuries. Kaidan has had no such worries. First of all, Shepard's recovery has been remarkable, and with the way the man moves every day and the things he gets up to, Kaidan's convinced he'd be just as good at it now as he'd been before. Besides, even if Shepard's abilities had somehow diminished, Kaidan's more than willing to work with that.

When Shepard remains quiet, Kaidan sighs and twines their fingers together. "We'll take it slow. And we don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

"You've changed," Shepard says, which sounds unrelated. His expression is lighter, as he looks at him. It surprises Kaidan enough that he's momentarily taken aback.

"Changed? How do you mean?"

"Your confidence," Shepard says, gestures at Kaidan with the hand not currently holding onto Kaidan's. "You used to be more assertive about bed activities."

Thinking about it, Kaidan sees what Shepard's talking about. He shakes his head. "I only ever acted like that when I knew without a doubt that you were on board with it." The hold onto Shepard's hand tightens a little. "When you looked like you wouldn't appreciate it, I kept my distance."

And now it's Shepard's turn to look surprised. He gives him that look that says he's contemplating how to respond. Kaidan had always appreciated that trait about the commander in the past, but sometimes he just wishes he would speak his mind without policing himself.

"I didn't know you were that observant," Shepard admits, and Kaidan takes it as he thinks Shepard means it, not a general statement about Kaidan's abilities, but rather his attitude towards Shepard.

He shrugs, chuckling slightly. "Wasn't exactly advertising it, so that's not a surprise," he says. "You were busy enough as it was, and I didn't want to be a burden, so it made sense, at the time." He shifts a little in his seat. "Anyway, that's why I haven't been more assertive since…" he takes a small breath and lets it out slowly, not wanting to mention the events themselves. "You just didn't seem like you'd appreciate it."

The way Shepard watches him then makes Kaidan feel hot in a way that's not only sensual; the back of his neck, his cheeks, his stomach. "I _would_ appreciate it, Kaidan." And wow, how can Shepard's voice do that so easily? How can this man sound so casual one moment, and so lustful the next?

"Noted," he says, a little breathless, fumbling for his beer for distraction. It's not a good place and time to be getting into that mood. Soon, they'll be out of here, and then maybe. Possibly. Probably.

"Good," Shepard says, considerably more composed than Kaidan feels, as he finishes his beer with one last swig. The smirk on his face makes Kaidan a little giddy.

~

They make it back to the apartment without doing anything too insidious in public. It's a close call in the cab, but somehow they manage to limit themselves to wandering hands and meaningful glances. And it's really only when they get behind closed doors in the apartment that they get in each other's space.

"Hey," Shepard says, intimate, as he pushes Kaidan gently to the wall next to the door.

"Hey yourself," Kaidan counters, smiling as the man's weight presses him into the surface behind him.

The kiss starts on its own, but neither of them seems to worry about that. Kaidan gasps at the rasp of Shepard's facial hair against his lips, and feels him smiling. Hands run down his flanks, pulling the shirt out of his pants, and Kaidan returns the favor with ease. As soon as Shepard presses his tongue between Kaidan's lips, things deteriorate quickly. Kaidan groans and arches off the wall, pressing them closer together. His hands slide under Shepard's shirt at the same time he feels hands on his own skin. A slick tongue invites Kaidan to play, and he'd be damned to let such an opportunity slide. He teases at Shepard's lips with his tongue, tasting beer and their dinner. He smiles as he pushes the man's shirt higher up his torso.

"Bedroom?" Shepard offers, breaking the kiss briefly. He's not even out of breath, and Kaidan decides that needs to be remedied as soon as possible.

"Yeah," he says, even as he continues to work Shepard's shirt off.

By the time they stumble into the large bedroom on the second floor, most of their clothing items have been discarded. A part of Kaidan remembers that the place has no glass in the windows, and that whoever might've been looking while they were on the way up the stairs would've gotten an eyeful of them making out and shedding clothes. He's surprisingly unphased by that notion. All he really cares about now is Shepard's body and all the ways they can enjoy one another's company.

Before long, Kaidan finds himself seated on the edge of the bed, with Shepard kneeling between his legs and pressing up against him. They're kissing again, and Kaidan's full concentration is invested in it. He wraps his arms around Shepard's shoulders as he feels fingers teasing at the edge of his underwear. No matter how many times they get to do this, it's usually an overwhelming experience. "Shep--"

"Shh…" Shepard whispers, trailing kisses along his cheek and towards his neck. Gentle warmth encompasses everything as Kaidan keeps quiet and lets himself enjoy the treatment. His underwear is being pushed down, but not very far. He leans forward against Shepard's chest, allowing him more access. The firm grip on his ass is all the reward he needs, and he makes a soft sound that gets pressed to the side of Shepard's head.

There have been times when Kaidan had taken the lead, but he's no stranger to letting Shepard be in charge in bed, and it definitely looks like the commander wants that. Before Kaidan can actually slide off the bed and into his lap, though, the world spins a little, and he's lying on his back, legs dangling off the side still and his vision full of Shepard's face. "This alright?" he asks, even as he's pulling down the last piece of fabric still covering Kaidan's body. All Kaidan can do in response is nod his head a few times.

"Yeah," he finally says, voice even more hoarse than usual. He's missed this more than he'd expected, and he arches up a little off the bed with the help of his legs, looking for friction he's not going to get and helping with the removal of his underwear. Shepard smiles and pulls back, getting to his feet.

"You might be more comfortable actually lying on the bed," the commander suggests as he walks around and turns to rummage through the bedside drawers. Kaidan in the meantime pushes himself onto the bed completely, settling over the soft material and shivering, either from the slightly chilly air or anticipation, he's not quite sure.

The bed dips a little on one side as Shepard climbs onto it, and Kaidan smiles at him. A small bottle lands next to Kaidan's arm, but he pays it no attention. There's far more interesting things to concentrate on, like how Shepard is now naked, and approaching on hands and knees, giving him a sensual vibe. Kaidan gulps, his dick growing even harder, and Shepard smiles like he knows exactly what he's doing, which is probably true. They regard each other for a quiet moment, and Kaidan wishes he'd stop stalling.

When Shepard leans in to kiss him again, it's a full body experience. Warmth seeps through as skin slides against skin, from chest to pelvis, and Kaidan gasps against Shepard's lips. Although he knows Shepard's holding most of his weight on his own, and only presses down on him a little, it's enough to blanket him and root him to the spot. Every point of contact is hot, but where their dicks are sliding against one another, it's beyond amazing.

When Kaidan finally bucks his hips up to seek more friction, Shepard breaks the kiss and looks at him like he's a most complicated mission. "You're sure this is okay?"

"Shepard... " Kaidan drops his head on the pillow, smiling at him. He wants to say a thousand different things, but ends up just nodding his head. "Yeah, I'm sure." He splays his hands on Shepard's back and runs them first upwards to remind himself of the shape of the muscles there, marking down all the scars he feels sliding under his fingers, and then he turns to run his hands downwards, not stopping until he's got two handfuls of the commander's ass. "I'm so sure…" he rasps, making Shepard chuckle and press down against him.

"Alright, soldier. Let's see what you got." And it takes some effort for Kaidan to let go enough that Shepard can move back and settle on his knees between his legs. It doesn't look like the most comfortable position to be in, but Shepard seems adamant to do this, and the last thing he's going to do now is question him. So instead of bringing any more words into the exchange, he bends his legs at the knee and lets them rest as parted as he can manage. Shepard looks at him like he could eat him up right there and then, and it makes Kaidan's belly twist with need.

The way he touches Kaidan is difficult to describe. Fingers trace his body in a slow, intimate slide, pressing down the indentations between his muscles and caressing along the swell of them. Sometimes the touches focus on faded scars, and other times they just slide ticklishly along. Kaidan's eyes are closed well before Shepard's hands reach his cock, and he raises his pelvis in response, breath stuttering as one hand closes around him and the other slides down to tease under his balls.

He's never been touched like this before. Sure, he and Shepard have done it several times, some of those times Kaidan topped, and others Shepard did, but it was never like this. They could never really spare the time to take it slow. A surprised moan leaves him when warm lips wrap around the head of his cock. Nothing is stopping him from shoving up into that heat, but he keeps his control in check. If he rushes to do  _that_ , this would all end pretty quick. Shepard hums around him, sliding down as far as he can go, then pulling back a little. He repeats the motion a few times, driving Kaidan a little closer to the edge with each return, but stops before it can get there. When Shepard pulls off, Kaidan has to choke down a surprised sound, but he settles down soon after. He's not here for a simple blowjob, after all.

It takes a moment before Kaidan's eyes open and he glances at the commander. Steel blue eyes are trained on him as Shepard reaches for the bottle of lube and pours a decent amount onto his fingers without looking. "Breathe," he whispers, and Kaidan feels the puff of air against his aching dick. He concentrates on relaxing and lets out a measured breath before inhaling slowly. Their shared experience in this activity is limited, but both of them already know the value of breathing and staying calm. Kaidan's eyes slide closed again when Shepard presses fingers into his body. He can't tell how many, but it feels so good, so all encompassing, that he doesn't care. He presses down against the intrusion, a few sounds falling from his lips when Shepard does… does something wonderful.

"Having fun?" Shepard's voice filters through the haze of pleasure, with an amused lilt to it.

"Yeah… This feels great," Kaidan says, truthful. He's not sure how much time has passed, but it's of lesser importance at the moment. When he glances to Shepard, he sees him still looking, longing and hesitation clear on his face. It's strange that he'd look like this now. "Can't wait to get you inside me…" he says then, wiggling his ass slightly against Shepard's hand. This surprises Shepard enough that those emotions flit away from his handsome face.

"We're getting there," Shepard says the next moment, pulling his fingers free from Kaidan's body. It takes him a moment to adjust to the absence of his touch, and he shifts a little as he watches the commander slick himself up. Another shiver runs through him, and this time he knows it's anticipation. Lifting his legs, Kaidan wraps them around Shepard's waist as he moves closer, but Shepard's got other plans, it seems, and he grasps under one of Kaidan's knees. It takes a little bit of adjusting, and Kaidan can't ignore the slight stiffness to Shepard's movements, but it doesn't look like he's in pain, so he just reaches over and pets the man's face, his shoulders, his upper back. Shepard says nothing as he presses the head of his dick to Kaidan's ass and for a moment, everything becomes so focused on that one point of contact, that he doesn't even realize how much closer to him Shepard is until he's whispering against his neck.

"Kaidan…" he says, pushes forward a little, just breaching. "Do you remember Leviathan?" he presses on, and Kaidan's breath hitches.

"Shep--"

"Thessia?" Shepard continues, not letting Kaidan speak as he sinks deeper into his body. "Cerberus' base?"

"Yes! I--" Kaidan tries, but Shepard chooses that moment to slide all the way in, smooth and just nearly too fast, but not quite. Kaidan's voice is reduced to a low growl of pleasure.

"You took care of me back then. You were there, doing this for me," Shepard's voice is almost a whisper, clear as it is, and Kaidan's downright shaking now. The memories, not even all that far away, are too overwhelming to face right now, but Shepard seems to have some kind of a point he wants to make. "Let me do this for you, now. Let me…" Kaidan isn't even sure if it's a sob or a moan Shepard's letting out as he pulls slightly back, and then pushes back in. Whichever it is, the effect is the same. "Let me comfort you, this time."

And Kaidan's not sure he even needs to be comforted. He'd only been a little worried about the fact they hadn't had sex since the final battle against the reapers, but now… Now Shepard's talking about comfort, and Kaidan would've loved to discuss it, to understand what the commander had meant, but he's too busy being filled with the hard presence that is Shepard, his dick deep inside and his warmth engulfing everything else. If by comfort Shepard means deep, thorough fucking, then Kaidan's definitely on board with that. "Anything, For you." He swallows hard and meets Shepard's gaze. "Whatever you need."  

It's easy to see it'd been the right thing to say, as Shepard turns to him, and the smile on his face is so genuine, so fond, that for a moment he forgets how intimately they're connected right now. Of course, Shepard makes sure to remind him, pulling out again, halfway this time, and rocking back in, starting a pace that's just slow enough that Kaidan can get used to it.

They move together, quiet for long moments as they concentrate on the physical sensations coursing through them. Kaidan can't get enough of the sight of Shepard as he's doing this. All the muscles in his body seem to be taking part in the activity. Those abs flex with each thrust, gleaming and sweaty, his chest heaves with each labored breath. Shepard's hang-ups, Kaidan muses absently, have been completely debunked, and he decides to let him know as soon as they're done with this. For now, though, he lets out pleased sounds whenever Shepard thrusts in particularly hard.

The motion is smooth, almost graceful, and Kaidan wishes they could do this forever. They're taking their time for now, not rushing to completion, and he's pleased with that. Shepard gives him unhurried kisses, and trails his lips along Kaidan's cheeks, neck, collarbones, anywhere he can reach. Kaidan in turn runs his hands along Shepard's flanks, teases his nipples and massages his abs. And then Shepard changes his position, only the slightest angle shift, and Kaidan's soft moans become cries of urgency. Perhaps it's intentional, if Shepard's pleased smile is anything to go by, but Kaidan can't find a cell in his body that would protest this turn of events.

One of Shepard's hands meanders lower to close around Kaidan's cock, and then starts pumping in time with his thrusts. Calluses catch against his sensitive skin, warm and tight and dry and everything Kaidan needs right now, all wrapped around his dick. He's desperate for it now, and being surprised about that turn of events seems pointless. He moves with Shepard, breathing his name into his shoulder until that's all he can hear, and before long, he's done for. The climax tingling through his nerves deliciously, a familiar crackling of biotics spiking through his entire body. He presses up into Shepard's hand, and is infinitely relieved when he doesn't let up the pressure until he's sure Kaidan's finished.

Only once Kaidan's back to himself does he realize that all motion has ceased, and that Shepard is still rock hard inside him. He gives him a deadpan stare, but Shepard merely shrugs. "Didn't want to distract you," is all he has to say about it, and Kaidan rolls his eyes.

"Well, don't let  _me_ distract  _you_ , now." The words are punctuated by a squeeze around Shepard's dick, and Kaidan grins when it makes his hips stutter forward. Shepard seems a little exasperated at that, but the point is made, and motion is resumed the next moment. It's not as great as it had been before, but it still feels good, and Kaidan likes the feeling of their skin sliding together. Shepard doesn't take that long to get there, anyway, a groan falling from his lips as his pace falls apart and his thrusts become deeper and harder. Warmth spreads inside Kaidan, and he hears himself humming in satisfaction. It's always a welcome sensation, having Shepard come deep inside him.

When Shepard withdraws, it's a small pang of loss, quelled soon after by a warm embrace. lying together like this, Kaidan feels completely at ease, secure and cared for. Maybe that's what Shepard had meant when he said he wanted to comfort him. "That was… amazing."

"Yeah?" Shepard asks, sounding pleased. He moves his leg a bit, perhaps to help ease a cramp, Kaidan's not sure, but decides against asking.

"Yeah. Hit the spot. You haven't lost your touch," Kaidan says, turning to look into Shepard's eyes, to show that he means it, and is rewarded with a kiss.

"Good," Shepard says, cuddling closer, and who would've thought the commander was such a teddy bear? Kaidan, for one, had been delighted to find this out.

"Y'know… I like it here," he says, resting his head against Shepard's shoulder. "Warm, quiet, satisfied…" safe.

"Satisfied?" Shepard questions, though he sounds tired enough. "Don't wanna go another round?"

Kaidan considers that, then nuzzles against Shepard's neck. "Maybe later."

"Maybe," Shepard echos, then finally settles down. Comfortable quiet takes over the spaces where heavy breathing and unintelligible words had been just moments ago, and before long, Kaidan feels himself dozing off.

"Shepard…" he mutters against his skin. "I'm glad we're here," he says, not really minding if no answer follows. It's so blissfully peaceful that he just wants to stay like this forever.

"Me too, Kaidan," he hears Shepard say. "I'm glad we made it."


End file.
